Uncollected garbage

We all get stirred by these elements more or less in different phases of life. Some times we suffer more because of this folly. Although it depends on the individual person, how s/he copes with it. I’m specifically talking about Stress, depression and anxiety. No matter how inevitably I decline these particular topics in me, they sometime try to galvanise me !

Speaking of myself; I like to face these mental states in any healthy way possible, rather than allowing myself to feel distressed by it. To be more precise, I try not to allow stress to kill my mood. The other day though,I was happy dappy, doing my blog sketch and suddenly a couple of emails and few phone calls wrecked my frame of mind..boo.

  • Why so? Aside from managing office overseas, I’m dealing with current workforce and sloppy paper works over here. Emm… how would I explain the matter better to you….I’m actually dealing with lots of stuff at the same time. Few of these things are not in my hand, but rather depend on government offices and other establishments being run by a corrupt working class. So dealing with all those matters, may not be as easy as ABC. But I’m facing it straight.
  • I have a stubborn family member who’s also my business partner.He’s a veteran, hard working old fashioned man with an open mind, even though some times we have our disagreements. In the past though, we had serious arguments but not anymore, since I’m trying to find inner peace. Although I wish I could be more supportive to him.    
  • Money..hah..What if money wasn’t an object! I’m not rich, nor with a healthy bank balance. I have few debts but that doesn’t stop me from having an ice cream every now and then! Winning a lottery would solve many problems but I don’t want to depend on luck that way ;)..
  • Hmmm..life in general …emm ..No, I’m not too stressed out, hahah. I know things could go better than how it is now but still, I am not complaining. If I look back a couple of years, few of my plans went unsound but I made friendship with the past.  There’s nothing new in the past, right..
  • Every relationship has its ups and downs.The Love of my life, also gives me stress sometimes! But I don’t fully acknowledge it to be stress because on the other hand there are millions of positive things. All these things are life changing. I’m proud to have her in my life. It’s the most amazing thing that ever happened. Even though there are some healthy disagreements.Than again i trust  my true gut feeling as well. I suffered in life in many ways, I was iron, got burned to steel.I want to see how far I have to go with my true love.I see you inside out.

My gears for kicking out the negativity:

  • The girl I L o v e. Not only she neutralize my dire dragon but she is also a true companion, best friend.
  • Running & crossfit.
  • Music.
  • Jay walk, observation, random interaction with stranger.  
  • Cooking.

April is also stress awareness month. I know there are many people out there with situations that are a lot worse! My problem would be a luxury compared to theirs. To cope with pressure, agony, burden, trauma many people brace unhealthy habits like, drinking, smoking and some chose drugs. Mental health is not any less important than physical health. In my opinion, it’s vital!

So please don’t ignore the signs of stress. Let’s deal, find out the reason, time and don’t let it kill you slowly. I call this; garbage, nobody collects but you. And only you can recycle, absolve for a better You!

 

  

    

       

 

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Love is a four legged word

 

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When I first met them, I felt love straight away. Koby was bit anxious at the beginning and didn’t accept my presence easily. But Smoky looked at me, our eyes met each other’s and we became friends instantly. Even though we had only met once before and the visit was brief we did build a bond. So when I decided to go back to Kanchanaburi, I was really looking forward to spend some quality time with them.

It’s a five and half hour van journey to get there, including a transit point. It was crucial for met to get the earliest van so I would avoid the rush hour traffic.

Sadly, circumstances did not allow me to catch that early ride. Ironically, I was bitten by a dog a while ago, forcing me to get a series of rabies vaccinations. On that particular morning I had an 8 o’clock appointment in the local hospital for the second round, preventing me to go see my friendly canine friends.

So I reminded myself of the importance to get the shots and that it was my lack of money forcing me to go to the government hospital on the other side of town. So before all the fun could begin, I focused on getting my vaccinations and told myself I would deal with traffic later.

I was laughing at my fate though, while waiting outside for the vaccination room to open. Wondering why that innocent looking local tail-wagger bit my leg like that! Anyway, as I waited I watched the nurse’s makeup ceremony and how she tuned into her favorite radio station before she actually started processing the appointment schedule. After a quick injection in each of my arms (do have to compliment her swift work) I was out of the door… gone!

Long story short, I caught the van I needed and soon reached my final destination. I met Koby & Smokey again! They looked at me, smiled, sniffed and jumped towards me; almost pushing me to the ground! Koby is a Labradoodle and smokey is a Labrador.

Contrary to the first meeting, when they approached me with some caution, this time they immediately behaved like true companions. They walked with me wherever I went, listened to me more, sat on my lap and kept offering me their paw… Especially Koby, the wild one, was enthusiastic with the paw offerings. I don’t know how to put the feeling into words! I really don’t know, but it was heartwarming. It is something you got to feel and cherish.

It reminded me of my younger version, when I used to visit my grandparents’ house in the countryside. My grandma used to have a pack of dogs and she adored them. My daily routine was playing with the pack and taking them along on my adventures. I remember sleeping in the tree house, guarded by our mix breed of dogs that were sleeping at the bottom of the tree. My grandma’s favorite dog was Dinosaur which was a sarail hound. My grandma didn’t even touch a drop of water for days when Dinosaur died, so deep was her grief. Oh… That was such a sad moment of my life too. The whole pack was quiet for days!

When eventually the time comes

And the lights in his eyes dim

A new star will shine in Heaven

In remembrance of him.

Dogs are referred to as human’s best friend, right? Second is horse and so is the Dolphin. I don’t agree in that numerical order. But I very much like the idea of having them all. Obviously I like to see the dolphin free in the ocean rather than having as a pet. I’ve never seen wild horses, that must be a beautiful sight.

 I have loved dogs though, all my life! So I still can’t figure it out why that innocent looking dog bit me. I went back to see her and strangely enough I have kind of become friends with her now. She’s bit shy… or maybe it’s her guilty conscious hahah!

Another thing that really made me curious is why Smokey and Koby kept staring at the walls. It was as if they were seeing things. You know animals have different instincts and legends say they see things humans don’t.

I went for a walk with them in the woods and they were showing me around their favorite spots. As I said before I used to have dogs but I was proud of myself that I didn’t forget the language.

It was raining heavily one night and I woke up shivering of sudden cold. Koby and Smokey immediately noticed and jumped over me to give me their warmth. Even just to see them in the middle of the night beside me, made me utterly happy.And smokey didn’t forget to wake me up early by pushing his cold nose into my ears.

You know, time can be cruel sometimes, especially the farewell times. I knew it was coming the next morning and I hated it all the way. I think they understood that too as they saw me packing my bag. As my host friend went for work early, I had to lock the house and keep the dogs inside. I carefully made their breakfast, sat with them while I was having my own. I had some warm chit chats with them and told them to behave. I shared some of my upcoming plans with them. You know, like a normal day.

Leaving them inside and locking the door was the hardest part. I felt so vulnerable as well as helpless leaving them behind. The way they were whining broke my heart to pieces. I hope to see them again soon. And if situation permits me, i would  like to have a pooch on my own home someday.   

You’ll gaze up at the midnight sky

And you will hear him say –

“I’m so glad you were my human

We’ll meet again someday!”

   

…el amor, la ausencia…

 

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“What is hell? I maintain it is the suffering of being unable to love”~(The Brother karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky)

What’s the color of love? My bookshelves say it’s Blue. Would it be that simple to attribute the color blue to love?? Love is abstract in a whole different scene. Love is painted in black and white. It’s a true illustration…

Love is about finding yourself. And when you do, that is love, does it make sense? If you don’t love yourself, how would you love another person? If you don’t know the core of yourself; don’t know the inner flaws; how would you know love? And then there is the inner child; if you haven’t been introduced, then how would you grow with love?  Inner peace is also a result of love. Love is healing; love is being who you are without any fear. Love isn’t about saying the four sweet  letter word but also maintain it, show it and live by it.   

You feel free to show the darkest side of yours which you even tried to hide, even from yourself. You like to bring the weird sides of yours and feel comfortable. Love is like the laughter when you play hide and seek. Love is the moment after a healthy disagreement. Love is caring, understanding, listening and respecting each other.      

Nights in the woods when wildflowers spread fragrance in the air, that’s love. How about celebrating love and absence while making your own rain?! All the moments of absence make love more real. Life becomes more meaningful when there is love, but there is also distance. Somehow things feel more connected when love and absence come together.

Life tastes better when you are in love love. Even in your darkest hours you feel inspired with love. Love keeps you awake comfortably. No matter how far you are geographically, you are there. Distance becomes less. It’s like your mind ,spirit is travelling there without body. You live in the same time zone and you function respectively.  

But also during our greatest triumph, we were in love with being alone. We yearn to understand ourselves and feel the love for the world as well as our own being, even in moments of solitude! We need to discover that loneliness is nothing more than love, masked by the need of flavor, communication, attention..

Don’t you think, to understand more, we need to feel all aspects of loneliness to see the love that is hidden inside; bare and naked? Standing without any protection, without shield or weapons. Loneliness is none other than love made visible through sorrow and pain. Loneliness is none other than love disguised in our need for a relationship. Sounds like self-realization right, may be so, may be so..

Is absence another form of beautiful night sky? Is the night sky more meaningful with absence? Are all the shooting stars part of the absence too? Are fireworks as captivating, when you are by yourself?..

Absence is an essential element in love. It’s unbearable too. Absence is dark, like abstract paintings. The absence is painful but worth suffering for.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.  

Let’s draw the absence in words, it will be abstract but let’s try:

Another sunrise, another day has begun and I have to get through the day. It’s cool, calm outside and I have to get through the day. It’s only Monday and weekends on its way to spend time together. It’s early enough and my midnight is on the run. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day and I have to get through the day with absences; love and absences. Life carries on, circumstances change, situations varies around us… where to begin and it’s early in the morning and I have to get through the time.

Absence gives 24/7 a whole different meaning, you know. You know from your heart and feel the absence by looking at your watch in different time zone..

Sometimes you don’t know what to make out of yourself especially when life is constantly testing you. You keep swimming against the current and carry on with dignity. You never expect life to be easy but carry on somehow. You take off the mask and be yourself with love.

How do you do it time after time ,that would be a right question. Because you feel love, believe in true love with trust and understanding. Absence makes you realize what love means to you and how much you are thriving. Living becomes interesting and motivational. You don’t feel insecure with absence any more. Rather, you exercise the depth.

You feel the absence and realize what it means in whole different perspectives. You keep going with the struggle and love motivates you to go further more. When you feel heard, understood and seen than that’s another level of self-esteem. You even look forward to any challenge to overcome. You even smile in your worst situations.

You want to do many things; you even make your list of plans. Some ideas even surprise your own self. You didn’t know that you were so vividly alive inside enormously. You thought all the cruelty and tough situations had burned you, buried you down. But those tough times did put a seed inside which cultivated the soul with love and absence. All the moments of absence point you out, how you were before and how you are now.

Absence is a great coach; it teaches you things layer by layer. Make you realize what true love is!

Make you a way better person then you’re older version. It gives you vision towards the future. Current problems aren’t difficult anymore.

Home becomes a person rather than a place. You realize just by knowing the person, looking at the person no matter what and you suddenly realize how much you love about the person and how grateful of her existence.

Because you truly love the root of her, not only her flower. So when autumn comes, you don’t get scared anymore. Love and absence make polarity shift around.

There are also gut feelings about love:

  • Something about them is special
  • They can be annoying sometimes but you still put up with them
  • Every minute is worth it
  • You can’t stop seeing them
  • There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them
  • Everything about them is perfect
  • You always want to be together
  • You can’t stop thinking about them
  • You’ll go out of your way for them
  • You offer to run errands for them
  • What they’re saying is always important
  • You are comfortable talking about bodily functions with them
  • You want to yell when you are with them
  • Wasted time doesn’t feel wasted
  • Your relationship doesn’t revolved around sex

All the points above have some inner meanings as well 😉

When you truly love someone, staying loyal becomes easy. You feel that’s the best thing that ever happen to you. That beautiful face becomes the only face in your mind, period.

In all fairness though, in between love and absence you try to be your best self. To do that though, sometimes you do things overly. But that doesn’t bring chaos because of the understanding you both have. You both help each other to bring the best of yourselves. You both bring collective evaluation into the world and shapes the planet, worth living for .

That’s heaven in earth…

One world, One love…   
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Bright Faces

Today, I’m going to introduce you to a few wonderful people. I met many people along my journey and these three kids deserve to be in the spot light.

I have written about a special encounter I had with a kid before, when I wrote about Child labor before, but these kids are at least as special...

  • Shefali, I meet her during my interpretation job  in a rural village .We interviewed and documented her family life. She’s only 14 yrs old and mute.She goes to a local school but often faced bullying.

Despite her verbal disability she’s a jolly girl. To be honest, she’s also brave for a country girl.I mean we needed her for video shooting with some acting skill, which she did without any hesitation and hundreds of locals around!

After our work there, I spent some time with her family and herself.I tried to give her my positivism and courage. Her mother told some sad stories about her daily life.

You see, living in a village and being a mute is very hard, especially for a girl. So many hyenas, preying on those they would perceive as weak! She was growing up and would soon hit her teens, and a rough world was awaiting for her.

Who would guide her properly? Her parents weren’t educated people and busy with daily life. Who will help her on higher education and such? To grow up, how much more difficulties will she face?

Someday she’ll be handed over to some husband, if her family finds one! I’m sure they need to furnish him with lands, money and god knows what else. What if he’s an another hyena? Yes, there is a chance that some kind, understanding heart marries her and that they venture the joy of life together.

Before I left the village I consulted with her father and an NGO person for her alternate career.

I truly wanted to see her become independent and not be perceived as a burden to any!

  • Amena, was the girl who followed us through our work with a curious smile in another village.Locals don’t care much of her, as she is from the next village. She has a mental disorder, local word is ‘Mad girl’. She kept asking us to visit her family, which we did.

Her family is wealthy compared to the other villagers. We met her mother, who was worried sick for her only daughter. It was quite a surprise for her mother that Amena brought a guest to the house.

She complained about Amena’s tendency to wander off without any notice.There were times when Amena went off for few days without a sign.

Apparently Amena, had been hit by a lightning bolt a year ago, which had caused her psychological disorder. They visited many doctors but they didn’t achieve much of a progress.In their attempt to help, her parents did the most horrible thing to her; calling in the aid of local voodoo doctor which is basically torture! What she really needs is counselling and true medical care, not these harmful practices.

She expressed her disappointment when she found out we wouldn’t be staying with her. We tried to comfort her but we could not accept her invitation.Even though she was a bit lost in her mind, she demonstrated her own way of figuring things out.

She observed our work in her own way and answered like a true philosopher; “You’re taking video of present times but our life will carry on without the camera”, “No one can record time.. but that doesn’t matter”.And then she burst into laughter! I think her mind works quite amazingly and it’s a pity hardly anyone understands her.

It would do her good to have access to higher medical treatment, may be someone in the neuroscience dept. Her brain discovers things which normal people don’t. She lives in a rural place where hospital care was barely available.

I shared my thoughts with her parents so that she won’t end up like another mad one in the village.      

  • Rahim, is a Dhaka city Tokai who lives in a slum and collects plastic garbage from the street.

    Our introduction was an interesting one for me. I was drinking bottled water in a commercial area of Dhaka city and this little street kid(!!) came up to me and complained about why people didn’t leave some water in the bottles when they threw away so he could have the last drops!

I couldn’t drink the rest of the water after that. Giving him another bottle full of cold water wouldn’t solve the issue there but I did help him out for the moment with some food!

What or how do we solve the street kid issue ?.. Don’t ask me; i’m looking for the answer too!..

He moves around from place to place (slums). He is an orphan and often uses a local drug called Dunde, which is a glue for repairing punctures on bicycle tubes. They put the glue in a plastic bag and inhale from the bag.

How can I ever live normally after witnessing this? I go by my daily routines without doing anything about it, let alone resolve it?Don’t you just go crazy over it, as well as helpless in your own self?

I did my best for Rahim while i was there but that’s not even close to any solution. May be only better path to live with dignity for Master Rahim!

There are so many Shefali, Amena, Rahim living around us. How many of us know about them or do anything about them?! I always do my level best, wherever i meet them!

I tried to make them smile and show them some better way of living.But that’s not enough and it always leaves me with sadness.

These kids are not incidents, but symptoms of a negligent, so called civic system.

If Rahim doesn’t work tomorrow, who will collect your thrown away bottle of beverage off the street, hah??